Dirty Thirties – It’s a Myth

Single ⬜
Taken ⬜
Totally unavailable and never been happier ✅

In a world where we can be genderless, it is totally incomprehensible that someone can be choosing to live life by themselves right now. Why?

I know it’s a weird concept. My nan certainly doesnt agree. And thank God my brother has 2 beautiful children otherwise I think my mother would be in charge of my tinder profile right now. But I genuinly find it stranger that we are constantly looking for someone else to make us happy. Why are we depending on someone else? Why are we giving anyone else that power to decide if we are happy or not? And why is there so much pressure to live our lives with someone else? Obviously, before we get smart… I know we are made to recreate which is the whole point of life and stuff!

But why is there such a rush? Why is it such a shock to everyone that someone who is 31 can be quite laid back about being by herself? Why do I have to be sleeping with someone or involved with someone? Why can’t I just be me for now? Why do people “hope” I find someone special soon? Why do I need someone “Special”?

Unless of course we are talking Unicorn kind of special, in which case, I’m all in!

I think its crazy. I ended a 5 year relationship last year and despite it being my decision, I was still devastated and totally heartbroken. I had a short rebound situation shortly after. (We all make stupid decisions…This one just took up all my stupid)

But it’s only now, 18 months of being totally by myself, not dating, not even speaking to anyone that I can confidently say if I was to meet someone now I’d be ready to settle down.

I mean they’d really have to do some sweeping to get me off my feet because I am so focused on my businesses, I have zero interest right now, I’m not even sure what it is that would turn my head. But the point being I have found true happiness within myself through being totally by myself, so I’m no longer looking for someone to provide that for me.

So what am I healing from? Dont get me wrong I’m not going to pretend I’ve been in a series of abusive relationships that have scarred me for life. I havent. I’ve been cheated on, lied to and manipulated. But who hasnt? The reason I’ve put myself through this process is because everytime I was lied to, cheated on or manipulated I put it all on myself.

It was ME who wasn’t good enough.

I’M the reason they think they can treat me like a piece of shit. There will always be someone better than ME.

I had a short rebound after my ex and when I found out he was seeing me, seeing someone else and getting back with his ex….Ladies and Gent…I APOLOGISED TO HIM FOR ME NOT BEING ENOUGH!!! That was the moment I realized that I did not like who I was and I needed to sort my life out.

It was always my fault. And I couldn’t go through that process again of not feeling good enough for someone else. So I stayed away from everyone and everything that could potentially determine my worth. And I allowed myself to finally set a standard of what I deserve.

(I was trying to put a witty comment here about the ones that have lied, manipulated and cheated but I couldn’t think of one. So its just a photo of my ass)

Yet society seems to not want to give us the time we need to deal with things like that. Questions I get asked alot…

❓So do you not want to get married?
Yes I do. Very much so. But I want to be happily married, part of a team and I only want to do it once.

❓ Do you not want children?
Dangerous question to ask anyone! Yes, I do want children. But the decision is currently out of my hands because I dont have anyone to make them with!

❓ Do you not like sex?
No. I’m a fucking nun.

That’s the most ridiculous one – do you not like sex. Well you aren’t going on holiday every weekend – do you not like holidays? You like holidays. You like holidays very much. But going on holiday every weekend would either involve you becoming attached to that holiday destination so you basically live there which is just the scariest thought ever. Or you might go on holiday to a different destination every weekend. That’s just too much like hard work. Just the thought of all the planning and talking to people and you certainly get a reputation as a travel whore. And think of all the injections you’d have to have – it makes no logical sense! I don’t even know if I’m talking about sex or holidays anymore.

My point is – if you ask this question you are stupid.

I’ve felt pressured into trying to find someone so many times and I do the same thing every time. I go on Tinder and I start swiping and within 24 hours everytime I realise that it just isn’t for me right now. I know some amazing couples who have got together on Tinder but its just not for me. And its really only the last few months that I’ve felt confident enough to say actually no, I am happy being by myself right now…AND GUYS THATS OK!

(Look how happy I am. Just me, my shadow and my pants.)

I’m not saying choosing the single life is easy. The majority of people I associate myself with are in relationships so I am in a lot of situations where I am “by myself” and the invites stop coming through as much when you are just a little one. So how do I deal with that?

Well I just don’t focus on the fact I’m the only single one in the room because everybody there is also an individual person. I still have a great time, everytime because I’m still surrounding myself with people I love. It just means there’s noone moaning at me for drinking too much. I speak to so many people who are single and cannot deal with big family events or “coupley things” because it reminds them they are alone. It is all about your mind set. I don’t see myself as alone. I see myself as free. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to think of anyone else in my life. That’s not going to last forever, so why not enjoy it now.

And yea you do get invited to less stuff. But I just invite myself places that I want to go. Room for a small one??? After a break up you do tend to filter out the real friends from the not so real ones pretty quickly. The real friends will always have you there regardless of relationship status. So if you feel like you aren’t being invited to things you normally would. Invite yourself – let your friends know that it’s ok and you can deal with being by yourself. It might just be that they don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.

There’s been one situation where I’ve felt very single and vulnerable. And that was recently where I was at a Christening for my best friends boy and I was very aware that I was by myself. And that was tricky with my ex and his new partner there too. But my friends knew how I felt and did a great job at helping me get incredibly drunk and have an awesome time.
But the interesting thing I realised that day was when you are single you lose your “destination” You go to the toilet and come back…where do you go? Who do you stand with??? If you have a partner you would walk towards them. I now just had to pre plan my movements to try and not look too awkward or be seen to walk round in a big circle! I never considered that before. But I’ve dealt with that, so if I ever feel like that again, I know that’s as bad as it will ever feel. Its as simple as that. It’s all about MINDSET. (And quantity of alcohol)

So am I as truly happy living a single life as I say I am or am I just petrified of letting anyone else into my little bubble through fear of them popping it, after spending so long fixing myself and focusing on me?
Who knows? I’ll let you decide that.

Of course I would love to meet someone again at some point. I am very much a relationship girl and I love being part of a team. But if I didn’t meet someone, I’m happy with the life I’ve created for myself and I’m surrounded by the most incredible, supportive people who I know will be with me for life. That’s special.

What I do know is the process I’ve been through is the most empowering, self identifying and therapeutic part of my life so far and it has made me into the woman I want to be. I know what I want and I won’t settle for any less. And I have the ability and confidence to walk away from any situation I’m not ok about. And I feel so HAPPY! Yes, I own 2 businesses and that occasionally causes me ridiculous amounts of stress. But other than that, I’m all good. And NO ONE in this world can take that away from me.

So, if you ever find yourself in the situation where you have time alone…

Just own it!
Don’t rush in to finding someone else straight away
Make sure you’ve given yourself enough time to heal properly, understand how you feel about everything
Make sure you are happy within yourself
Learn to live by yourself – its fun!
Learn to love yourself and know your worth and never ever settle for any less.

Because if/when you meet someone again, all those demons you’ve battled with it past relationships won’t matter anymore. You’ll be totally free to just build another part of your life with someone, happily ever after.

Being single isn’t a bad thing. Sometimes we just need to enjoy the journey and wherever we are at in our lives. Relax, stop looking, create a life you love, laugh every day and you never know, you may just meet someone when you least expect it, living your best life in the process.
And we all live happily ever after. ❤

Love Kellie x