Never fake an orgasm.
We have all done it. Some of us could probably get an Oscar for the performances we have put on in order to boost a mans ego.
And guys… if she says she hasn’t.
We all have. I’d say I’ve faked it at least once with every single person I’ve slept with in fact. Shocking statistics.
But why do we do it? As if sex is only there for a mans enjoyment.
We need to stop.
Many of you will remember the blog I wrote about 18 months ago – Dirty Thirties – Its a Myth.
In summary it was a rant on how society pressures us to believing we are failures if we dont have a partner. But why does your relationship status depict your worth? Why can’t people understand that everyone is on their own journey and we need to do what we need to do without being pressured into settling for something we might not be truly happy with in the future.
I am very happy by myself and I actually feel less happy every time a man comes into my life, so why should I keep doing it?
18 months on and I’ve got to the point now where my morals do not tally up with the majority of society. Which for a while I thought was a sad and lonely place to be but now I realise it’s the most empowering and satisfying place to live and I couldnt be more proud of myself for reaching this point. I wont accept anything less than what I think I deserve and I’ve finally accepted that I’m not willing to step down to meet anyones needs…people need to step UP to meet mine.
So anyway, back to orgasms. If sex was only there for a man to enjoy or they were the priority, why would we have the ability to orgasm? We wouldn’t. We would essentially be a real life flesh light. And I imagine some people are doing that, laying there and letting it happen. Like a little sex dummy.
Sex is there for both to be enjoyed. And by allowing people to USE our bodies in that way, what are we teaching?
It’s only the same thing as buying a new puppy and expecting it to know exactly how to sit, heel and lay down. It doesn’t. Every puppy is different and every owner is different.
Every man is different and every woman is different in what they like. Surely there has to be a level of “teaching” on both sides. So why do we put effort into finding out what a man likes but roll over and play dead when its our turn??!
It baffles me!!!
One guy I had a casual relationship with years ago was very “early to the party” shall we say. And one time, we both got a bit heated but had to wait and then when we could finally do anything, he pulled his trousers down, prematurely ejaculated in his hand, said sorry, pulled his trousers up and that was that.
Urm…. HELLOOOOOO? I’m still here. I havent prematurely ejaculated in my hand. But that was it. The man finishes and the fun is over.
But the last guy I was seeing a few years ago was very Christian Grey. He actually stopped me mid Oscar-Winning performance, called me out for faking it (mortified at the time!) and told me to never do that again because he needs to learn. (I mean….what a guy!!) And I’ve never forgotten it. (…would you???? Pretty dreamy right! )
Because he is right. If we continue to not be honest and suddenly appear to have a miracle orgasm and a pornstar performance out of nowhere because we actually dont like what they are doing and we want to make it stop as quickly as we can so we scream their name and shake a leg and it’s all over…Your partner is going to think theyve just hit a goldmine and will probably look to do it again. And then you are in a cycle. Its actually not fair to either party.
And actually, if a man is doing something that is uncomfortable or you dont enjoy…tell him to stop.Its YOUR body. Dont let anyone do anything you dont want them to do. It doesnt have to be awkward, we just need to be honest and communicate more. Personally I think it’s quite sexy if a man checks in with you during sex to make sure everything is ok.
There doesnt have to be a full on consultation, but to take a second, give you a quick kiss on the head and asking if your ok…. all the time in the world for that.
My issue with “dating” is that it is totally fake and everything now is predominately focused around a mans desire to have sex and to finish. My experience says that men seem to just manipulate women into bed, noone gives a shit about anyone and it’s all games. I’m 33, I dont want to play games. And as a whole, by continuing to fake it, noone is learning anything and everything is just fake and wrong.
Expectations in the 2021 dating world seem so warped and weird and I dont understand it or agree with it. I dont fit in but I’m quite happy with that.
This is why I’ve decided to hang up my (not even worn in!) dating boots and just continue to be alone. You just cant trust anyones motives nowadays and expectations seem to be set too high. And I’m just not down for this culture that a man’s pleasure is the most important thing.
It’s your body, your enjoyment and your right to enjoy sex too. Stop faking it and take your enjoyment back too.
Never fake an orgasm.